10 Days for 10 years ... Day 2

Day 2

A day before I was supposed to have my stitches removed I received a phone call from a random doctor's office wanting to schedule a surgery.  I didn't think anything of it, but Mark insisted I call my primary care physician.  My primary physician's receptionist asked if I could come in that afternoon and was my husband with me.  On the way to the doctor’s office I knew I had cancer. That gut instinct that makes you feel nauseous and jumpy like all you want to do is break into a Forest Gump Run ... that gut instinct was kicking me square in the face.  There were three things that happened that confirmed my face kicking gut instinct of cancer:

1. When Mark and I got to the doctor’s office we didn’t wait.  We were immediately ushered into an exam room.
2. The doctor walked in two minutes after we sat down in the exam room.  Just long enough for me to look over at Mark and say, “You know it’s cancer, right?”  He turned green and sunk into his chair.
3. The doctor wouldn’t look me in the eye when he walked in the room.  His head was hung low like a minister about to give a eulogy or a surgeon about to tell a family he did all he could … or a doctor about to tell a patient she had cancer.

I took the news away from the doctor and said, “It’s cancer, right?”

He just shook his head.
“What do we do?  I mean, what are my odds? It’s chemo and … I don’t know, what’s the next step.”
The doctor still couldn’t look me in the eyes. And when he did speak all he could say was, “Mindy, this is a really rare form of cancer. I’ve never really even heard of it, till you.  I have a specialist set up for you tomorrow. You have to go today to get … blah, blah, blah,”
I tuned out right about there. 
I had cancer...

August 19th, 2000

Well Lord, you really have a way of giving my world a wakeup call.

 I’ve been diagnosed with Extra-Skeletal-OsteoSarcoma … Cancer… at the age of 28. 

Seems surreal to me, but I know you’re going to be by my side … caring for me when needed and cheering me on as I fight.

I'm so very scared.

Please don’t let me become a shell of a woman…

 let me become a beacon to others …

 help me bring people to know You through my cancer battle.

Watch over my husband.

 Keep him strong. 

And let him know I don’t blame him if he decides to leave.

That night, sometime well after midnight, Mark found me crying on the bathroom floor.  He picked me up and set me in his lap.  I didn’t know how long he’d be there, but for that night—that moment—  we were husband and wife getting ready to do battle.

Every time I hear this song it makes me think of that moment...

10 Days for 10 years ... Day 1

June is kind of a special month for me.
I wasn’t born in June.
I didn’t get married in June.
None of my babies were born in June.
But…
It’s still a special month for me.
Over the next 10 days I’m going to take a little departure from my usual quirky, sarcastic, often cringe worthy posts and invite you all on a little adventure with me. 
I call it: 10 DAYS FOR 10 YEARS.
I know you have no clue what the heck the past 10 years could mean for me. 
It’s been an interesting journey.
Quite a blessing, really. 
I’m a writer. I journal and I save those journals. I’ve written in a journal/diary/memory keeper/ since I was in the 6^th grade.  You would be amazed by some of the adventures those pages contain.  Through my memory keeping, I discovered a great sense of faith.  I always believed that my faith would see me through dark times.  I just never really imagined they could be so dark.
I’m a Christian and I believe in God and the journey I hope you’ll take with me over the next 10 days really taps into my faith.
I hope you have the courage to join me…

   DAY 1:

I had a bit of a fairytale wedding.

The oldest and only girl in an Italian family…  

I wore my momma’s wedding dress.

My daddy walked me down the aisle.

All four of my brothers participated.

A wedding party of 14.

A guest list of 400.

I’m sure you can fill in the blanks of awesomeness that my wedding entailed!
You know what? Lemme just show you ....

Little did I know a year later I’d be contemplating divorce and death.

August 14^th, 2000

…The only place I find happiness is in romance novels and fictitious men who fight for their women.

And provide for them once they’ve been swept off their feet…

I feel trapped and afraid that this is how life will be.  I feel like a failure contemplating therapy and even worse… divorce.  I’m tired of trying and so close to just giving up.

Lord, what do you want me to do? 

I felt the pea sized lump right where my leg meets my rear end in June or July of 1999.  By August of 2000 the lump had grown from a pea to a golf ball. A day after I wrote the above entry Mark called me at work and said he couldn’t live this way.  I either made an appointment to have the lump removed and biopsied or he wouldn’t be home that night.

I really did contemplate just letting him leave, but my mom said, “Mindy, that’s your husband and he deserves better than that.”  I called and made an appointment for the removal.  The next morning, August 15^th, I went to the doctor’s office with my mom and had the bump removed.

The Year's Half Over! Where Are YOU!?!

The year's half over!
I can't believe it myself.
We're already in June.

In California that means June gloom.
 For four weeks we re-visit winter with all its nasty gray skies, drizzle and long for the sun.  Then, in July, the sun and summer sucker punch us with all that pent up heat we should have been enjoying in June. 
June in the Ruiz house means planning the next school year, figuring out summer activities, finding someway to keep the kids from uttering those famous summer words, "I'm boooooooooored!" Vacation countdowns begin as well as the back to school mom countdown. 
June for the writer in  me, I'll be honest, this is my first summer as a full time writer.  When I was a Realtor we would look at June and make sure we were half way to our yearly commission goals. If we weren't then my momma would turn on the glare factor and we would kick it up a notch.  You see,  most people move during the summer. They find a house in June, they close escrow by mid to late July and that leaves all of August to find new school friends. 
I'm not sure what the calendar for publishing is, but I did find last year a number of the agents I follow took off mid August and came back after Labor Day.  After Thanksgiving it was pretty quiet till the New Year.  So, I guess nothing has changed from Real Estate to Writing.  June is still the stop, evaluate, throw it into overdrive month.  Are you half way to your 2011 goals?  I'd love to hear them as well!